Captain’s Challenge: Round 6, skippers to target and avoid

Ladies and Sirs. And OMG.

Do you remember the news I had about Big David Fifi scoring us a ton in Round 4, two rounds ago?

And obviously I was wrong less correct than right. BUT. Do you also remember this bit from the end of that David Fifi paragraph two weeks ago?

“Righteo. On that note – because this is a Thursday night game and the very first game of the round – may I offer you the choice of a nice Vice Captaincy instead of a straight Captaincy, just in case I got my wires crossed and my news wrong and it’s actually next week that he’s scoring us the ton instead.”

And holy shit. Would you bloody believe it.

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My one-week late news actually came through in the week that I said it actually might come through for you!

Because he did! He did score a ton in Round 5!

And look, to be quite honest, the longer Tim lets me write these Captaincy articles – the more I think I should just give up my day job and become one of those fortune tellers with the ads on free TV at 2am in the morning – and I will tell your SuperCoach fortunes for $7.98 per minute. Just phone:

1800THEORACLE

Anyhow.

Enough patting myself on the back.

Let’s give out our Chur Bro Award instead.

And Captain Prince Nicho Hynes must of course win for the second time.

And look, I’m so sorry to everyone who read the bit last week about me hacking into your SuperCoach accounts, and who were therefore expecting me to put the big C on him for you, and who therefore missed out on his 234 Sir Captain points.

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I’d had too many “sips” of whisky hiding from the riot in the kitchen during the Cobbo x Staggs Support Group meeting, and I may have exaggerated my hacking abilities just a teensy, tiny bit.

Unfortunately, I must confess, my go-to passwords are Password1, Password2, Password3.

And I have to say, all the SC Playbook members have very strong password games indeed, because none of my passwords worked on your apps, so basically, I just gave up instead.

But just know. I tried. For you.

So, several things I learnt last week:

• You can’t just captain Lil’ Papi every week. The man is human after all and he gets tired from scoring so many points sometimes. And that is okay beautiful mullet man. Please. We hope you enjoyed your point scoring annual leave.
• Holding and playing Staggs was the single most cleverest thing I’ve ever done in my life, and Nick and I should hold more support groups for failing players, because altogether as a group we manifested that Staggs ton. And so, for those who held Staggs and benefited but didn’t attend the meeting so also missed out on the snacks – on behalf of the Cobbo x Staggs Support Group – you are most welcome indeed.
• If a fake Instagram profile messages you asking to pay your way for doing quite literally absolutely nothing, it is called findom. And thank you, fake profile kind sir, much appreciated, but I am already in a findoming relationship with the petrol pump. And that is really quite enough financial domination for me.

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Now to our Captains.

Moses

Moses does not need a nickname or indeed a first name. I have decided it.

He is a man that can go by one name. Like the NRL’s version of Prince. Or Ye.

One name. So much power.

A history lesson if you will:

Back in 50,000 BC a man named Moses literally led a whole team of people through the Red Sea by creating a path directly through the middle, whereby they reached a promised land of good stuff on the other side.

Now. Did you also know that Tiger Sharks live in the Red Sea?

This can only be a premonition for Monday’s big Easter clash, where a man named Moses will literally lead a whole team of Eels directly through the middle of a sea full of Tigers, whereby they will reach the promised land of tries and try assists on the other side.

It is history.

Quite simply, Moses is in red-hot form. He is the man of the moment. He’s whacked out scores of 144 and 90 in his last two games, as though he wasn’t even trying.

Last year vs the Tigers in Round 14, he scored 112 against them – including a try and two assists.

And we must also point out that this was arguably a Tigers side still aiming for a 9^th place finish.

Captain with confidence friend. Captain with confidence. I know I will be.

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Teddy

People. Why has Teddy turned into one of the most traded this week? I KNOW he did not perform last week with a disappointing 28, but ladies and sirs who make up the 4.3% of owners who are trading him – I truly believe this is not the week to trade him out.

Hear me out.

The man works in a mathematical pattern.

And may I present his scores for the past 5 rounds:

32, 84, 64, 88, 28…

Now if we follow this mathematical logic, we can quickly conclude that he is scoring a 90 this round. Because:

(32 x 2 = 64/2 = 32 – 4 = 28) 84 + 4 = 88 + 4/2 = 90

Yes, he was disappointing against the Broncos with a 28. And yes, this was supposed to be the beginning of when it started raining Teddy points with his heavenly draw opening up.

But now he is playing the Warriors. And I love my Warriors. However, if we look back to last year, we can also see that Teddy loves my Warriors too, because he does like to do a bit of scoring whenever they’re on the field together.

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Last year he scored 74 points including a try against them. Which strongly correlates with his average since 2018 against the Warriors of 76 points.

Now if you take that statistic and put it alongside the mathematical simplicity of my pattern above – well. The evidence is all there.

You may Captain Teddy. I am not against it at all. Especially at a 2pm game on Easter Sunday at the SCG.

This could be a nice follow up to a Lil’ Papi or a Prince Nicho Hynes Vice Captaincy.

However, if you have Moses in your team, or a Moses sidekick such as a Gutho for example – you may VC Teddy instead.

It’s the mathematical probability. It just allows us to do things like this.

That is all.

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Nathan Cleary

Guys, I can’t be right all the time. Sometimes I am wrong.

Such as the time I promised you last week that Cleary was getting 81 points. And then he did not. He got 57 instead which, in my defence, was better than his 34 the week before.

The Panthers are playing the Broncos in a Friday night home ground battle at BlueBet Stadium.

Now whilst the Broncos stepped it up in heart and fight against the Chooks last week (and deserved to win the game, I thought), I do believe the gaping hole left by Haas this week will have just a little bit of an effect on the team.

I think Cleary is a pretty safe Captaincy choice this round if you own him.

Because Cleary will be clicking into gear either this round or next – just like when you practice and practice a TikTok dance and then all of a sudden – You. Just. Get. It.

Cleary scored 125 points vs the Broncs last year, including a try and a try assist.

And the year before that he scored 73 points vs the Broncs, including two try assists.

So, we can expect a nice 99 points including at least a try assist from Cleary this round. But as this is a Friday night game, should you wish to pop a nice VC on him, that is definitely my preference.

P.S – for the record, I don’t believe Haas should be suspended. This whole thing has been blown out of proportion, and if somebody stood on my crisp white shoes, I’d be pretty mad too*.

*no I wouldn’t – I’d probably ask if they wanted my shoes, then just give them to them anyway before they answered, and then run away bare foot crying.

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Taylan May

How can we have a Captaincy article without including our newest points-scoring hero, Taylan May.

The guy not only made owners an absolute windfall of cash this week (ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS) after just 3 (THREE!) games, but he has also whacked out points so consistently with an 106, a 97, and an 86 – it is almost scary!

I feel very sorry for you if you do not have him in your team. Very sorry indeed.

Now, expect the point scoring to continue down that Panther’s left side on Friday night, so expect May and his buddy Tago to be very, very involved in a lot of the Panther’s points.

I prefer him as a VC option as it’s a very long weekend, and there are many games after his. But do give him some careful consideration.

This man may have been a cheapie, but he is quickly turning into a bonafide gun.

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Clint ‘Gutherino’ Gutherson

Ooh lala. What do we have here?

A brand-new Sir Captain enters the mix.

Slipping quietly under my radar has been King Gutho, who’s racked up a couple of very nice scores this season including an 81 v the Sharks and an 87 v the Storm.

This has all been topped off by a lovely 97 v the Titans last weekend, in a rematch where he put on such a glorious display of Gutherinoship – it was quite clearly a pre-meditated retaliation to ram home to Phillip Sami who really is King of the Field.

He is playing the Tigers on Easter Monday.

And if we look to last year’s stats we note that Gutho loves thrashing the Tigers – scoring an impressive 81 vs them in Round 4 of last year including a try and two assists, and an eye-watering 95, including two tries, against them in Round 14.

And guys. The Eels are on absolute fire. The Tigers are not. And I do believe if you have a Gutho in your team as opposed to a Moses, you may very well put the big C on him instead.

There will be at least one shimmying Gutherino going down on Monday.

Because as we mentioned in Moses’ section above. The Eels are going to run through the Tigers in a point scoring frenzy.

P.S – does anyone else think Gutho has a bit of Chris Evans in him from certain angles?

Captain Gutherino indeed.

“Avengers…ahhh…Eels! Assemble!”

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Now let us address – The Royal Clash

Our Lord and Saviour King Lil’ Papi, and Prince Nicho Hynes are playing each other this week, in a royal clash for the ages.

This has led me to ponder the question, do two rights make a wrong?

This is very deep for me at 1am whilst I’m writing this, so I consulted Reddit instead.

It is now 2am and I am returned to my article from deep down a Reddit rabbit hole.

This is what I learnt:

“The Wright brothers invented the first aircraft; thus, two rights make an airplane”.

And I am sorry? But I am very tired and my brain cannot compute.

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I honestly don’t think a plane has anything to do with it. But who am I to question the great wisdom of a Redditor who knows the power of a ‘thus’ to make a sentence at once deeply profoundly and correct.

But basically:

There is a thought that you can’t Captain either Lil’ Papi or Nicho Hynes this round, because they may cancel each other’s point scoring ways out by playing each other.

But you CAN Captain one or the other. If you should so wish to do so. However, I will not be held responsible should this backfire on you.

Prince Nicho is simply on fire and will be out to prove his absolute greatness against his old club.

Lil’ Papi will be feeling quite frisky after last week’s points scoring annual leave, and it must be remembered, scored 131 points including a hat trick of tries vs the Sharks in Round 25 of last year.

So, if I were to choose one it would be the beautiful mullet man who is quite refreshed, and whose turn it will be at the Storm this week for a nice high score.

I would like to suggest however, the much safer route of a VC Lil’ Papi or VC Prince Nicho Hynes, if you have a Moses or a Gutho in your team.

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Verdict

We must look at history to plan for the future – therefore there is a 92% chance I am crowning Moses with the big C this week, as he’ll be going straight up the middle of that sea of Tigers to take us all to a promised land of abundance – where points are a plenty and happiness abounds. 

My other favourite choices are:

Cleary for an absolute score against the depleted Broncs, or – shock horror to everybody trading him out – Teddy, who there is an 8% chance I may Captain for his mathematically estimated 90 points.

My tippy top VC choices are Taylan May, King Lil Papi, or Prince Nicho Hynes.

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But as we have seen in the past five rounds of SuperCoach – there are plenty of little under the radar poddy Captaincy options out there, who very well may be the ones you should be targeting for a jump up the rankings. People who Captained Superstar Staggs or Miraculous Manu last week would be feeling very, very pleased with themselves right now indeed…

Anyhow, I must go as it’s very late and I have to do some sleep before this weekend’s footy/Easter long weekend bonanza – but thank you for coming on this Round 6 Captaincy journey with me.

Wishing you all the very best, and I hope you have a nice Easter long weekend full of nice Easter points, nice Easter fun, and maybe even some chocolate too…

Clementine x