Weekly wrap: Round 3 winners, losers, injuries

Friends. We are living in an alternate reality. A complete simulation.

Because our Top 4 teams are currently Broncos, Dolphins, Manly, and Warriors.

Titans and Bulldogs are also enjoying a nice taste test in the Promised Land of 8. Meanwhile, our Bottom 5 flailing about at the bottom of the table include the Storm, Cowboys, and Eels.

The only consistency in our lives right now is that the Tigers are coming last. A small thing, but something to keep us grounded whilst we adjust to this new world order.

And what a random round of SuperCoach this was.

In a week when there was a whole lot of cash on the line in the form of price rises, we had: Big-money guns flailing. randoms scoring the big points, lesser owned guns laughing in our faces and scoring the big points, awkwardly-priced players laughing in our faces and scoring the big points, Reece Walsh going from 0 at half time to hero of the Round in the space of 10 minutes, Montoya top scoring for the round with 114 points, Niu nipping at his heels on 107 points, the Storm flopping (again), the Dolphins winning (again), and Cheese undertakering himself for the second year running and scoring a try (I traded him out. It was inevitable. You’re welcome).

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And Staggs.

My lord. Ladies and sirs! Staggs has gone completely off script! The man has only gone and scored his lucky owners their ton a week early. And as we all know from last year, they’ll feed off that ton for the next 4 weeks, patiently copping his 30s before he does it again. Or maybe it’ll be 3 weeks? Who knows in this weird new world we’re living in. I don’t even know what’s real anymore. Maybe I should bring him in!

Someone call an intervention…where’s that whiskey?

I continued my regulation early season snailathon progress with a 1025. And I seem to own a team of guys who take massive rest breaks smack bang in the middle of a game to go have a schooner and a punt or something, and so serious questions must be asked if my players are actually serious about playing for the Friday Beers or if they’re just in it for the… beers.

On a positive note, I finally saw the light and brought in Harry. My biggest SuperCoach regret so far is allowing temptation to get the better of me after all those cheap hookers caught my eye. A terrible vice and I am suitably ashamed and will not do it again.

Nick apparently did not have a happy Sunday; questioning if it was indeed, a happy Sunday, when I cheerfully greeted him with “happy Sunday!”. This is because the Philly Hamstrings scored a 921, with a Captaincy on Kiraz not quite going the way he and the other Kiraz-Captainers had hoped for. But I know he would’ve been secretly happy and singing “it’s a happy day today” inside, because he bet Spy in their H2H.

Now. A confession. I am not who I have said I am. I am not Friday Beers. I am, in fact, The 1966 Eastern Suburbs Roosters. And I CANNOT win a H2H match-up to save my life.

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So, I did a thing. I made a bet with a guy. A H2H bet. And I lost. By 14 points. LITERALLY FOURTEEN POINTS. One bad under-pressure decision, with an anxious last-minute swap from Thompson to Katoa before the Dolphins game.

So, congrats Alex from SC Hub, well-played sir. And you can all watch me take my medicine and eat/shot/answer whatever anyone requests on a SC Hub poddy with him coming soon…just please no devil spreads peanut butter. I would rather eat sheep brains.

And to rub salt in the wound, my phone beeped on Sunday night. That phin-sculling Timmy McGuire! The Overlord himself:

“One day Clem! Winking, laughing, emoji face w/ tongue hanging out.”

Because ever since he got his face on the SC app, I have managed to somehow be in a H2H with him EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK. And EVERY SINGLE WEEK, he’s beat me. And thank god I get a well-earned rest break from him next round because wouldn’t ya’ know it… I’M PLAYING HIM IN ROUND 5 TOO!

There’s got to be an investigation into this!

H2H match fixing – because Timmy’s clearly swinging himself the easiest matchups…aka ME!

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Manly vs Eels

By Clem Cassidy

Sorry HopGodgood. There’s only room for one God on the field at a time, and that man is Tommy T.

It was a match that went back and forth more times than Li Jie vs Hitomi Sato’s famous 10 minute and 13 second table tennis rally at the Seamaster 2017 World Tour. The only difference being that their crowd’s neck got sore because of their unrelenting 766 shot defensive effort. Manly vs Eels? Well, this was a 34 – 30, attacking, punter-friendly, try-scoring bonanza – including 4 (FOUR!) tries in the last 10 minutes!

Two tries to Tommy T

Two tries to Big Ola

Two tries to Sivo

Two tries to King Gutho

10 million tries to everybody else.

And in his 100^th game Hank Scorpio Steven Bradbury Brad Parker scored off a failed Cherry-Evans 40/20 attempt, leaping over Garrick, and planting the ball down, leaving literally nobody more surprised than himself.

Manly remain undefeated in 2023. The Eels? Well, they’ve enjoyed a season start of 0 – 3, keeping things nice and consistent with a 4-point loss in each game.

Tommy T is basically a glorious God who is not of this earth, and who must be considered for your team if you don’t already own him. Those who straight Captained him rejoiced, enjoying 103 points including 2 tries and an assist, and those with the VC on him found themselves in agony as they toyed with the loop. He’s a viable Captain every round, and please, get him in before it is too late for you.

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Garrick is an absolute target for absolutely everyone. 82 points including a try and an assist and all those lovely kicking points. His partnership with Tommy T is a thing of beauty and he must also be considered for your team.

Mitch Moses continued his record of never winning at 4 Pines Park but at least managed 59 SC points. Dylan Brown banged out an 88 and I can’t wait to have the glorious Kiwi back in my team one day. King Gutho scored a couple of tries and a couple of line breaks to ask questions as to why absolutely nobody except my Eels-obsessed brother owns him in their SC side, and big Ola and big Sivo enjoyed some big scoring with a double a piece.

For the cheapies, 54-point Doorey scored a try and looked the goods for cash-rise obsessed owners including yours truly, but unfortunately went off injured. The Carty Party is still in full bender-mode enjoying 53 points, a whole bunch of shots, and copious champagne showers.

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Those who brought in Schuster would have been excited with his 59 points and 3 try assists. He combined well with Tommy T and looked quite delicious in attack.

And then there was Hopgood.

Our freshly-proclaimed God, who fell back down to earth in spectacular fashion managing just 45 points and ruining the weekends of the 16% of SuperCoachers who straight Captained him. I am truly so sorry for all of you.

Minutes: HopGod, 54 Doorey 55 (injured), Cartwright 81, Paulo 67, RCG 53, Keppie 38, Olakau’atu 81, Jurbo 81,

Injuries: Matt Doorey (knee), Jack Murchie (head knock) 

Judiciary: Moses Mitchell (contrary conduct), Maika Sivo (contrary conduct), Taniela Paseka (high tackle – careless), Josh Aloiai (crusher tackle), Reagan Campbell Gillard (shoulder charge)

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Knights vs Dolphins

By Clem Cassidy

36 – 20. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

In what was certainly not the prettiest of wins. But our hero Wayne’s band of merry Dolphins got it together enough to add another win to their undefeated tally, and are now only the third expansion team to win their first three games in a row.  

And look. We must give credit to the Knights where credit is due (I am truly getting a weird soft spot for them). Three players on debut. A bench with only 18 games of NRL between them. Missing so many of their players through injury. Another injury to add to that tally with Daniel Saifiti going off mid-game. They gave it a real nudge, and must absolutely be commended for putting up a real fight against the 2023 Premiers.

For the Knights we must give a special round of applause to Lachlan Millar, who tried his absolute heart out – getting his team back into the game with a try on either side of half time and running for 195 metres, earning lucky SuperCoach owners 98 delicious points.

Every week it’s Hammer Time, and he has now scored 4 tries in 3 games. And whilst his 55 points were nothing to write home about, they were better than a kick in the teeth, and he has earnt himself a lovely little price-rise for lucky owners (unfortunately not me).

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The Dolphin’s wingers had a field day with Niu enjoying a lovely hat trick and the second top score of the round at 107 points, whilst Issako gave me a desperate last-minute push over the fence I was sitting on, scoring 2 tries in the last 5 minutes to seal the game for the Dolphins and earn his lucky owners 81 points.

Phin Diesal starred in a scene straight out Too Slow Too Furious – earning himself a spot in the sin bin and a date with the judiciary for a too late tackle on Jackson Hastings. Gilbert backed up his 81 point effort from last week with a tidy 70 – and I’m giving him the slight side-eye, I’ll tell you.

And Katoa. 27-point Katoa. Who literally EVERYBODY who owned injury-cloud Doueihi played because it was better than getting a 6-point AKP as an AE (didn’t that work outwell). And while he snuck in a try assist, he just didn’t seem to get much ball. Still, he’ll get a little price rise so that’s something for us then.

Minutes: Gilbert 60, Nicholls 29, D.Safiti 48 (injured), Fitzgibbon 80

Injuries: Daniel Saifiti (shoulder)

Judiciary: Dylan Lucas (crusher tackle), Felise Kaufusi (dangerous contact)

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Roosters vs Rabbitohs

By Clem Cassidy

How goods a rivalry! And this game had it all.

Sin binnings and sledgings and tension and fights and black eyes and Victor Radley going off bleeding. Cody Walker throwing his toys out of the cot and chasing down the smallest guy on the field, to push him over approximately 10 hours after he last had the ball when he was about to sit down and enjoy his first coffee of the next day.

20 – 18 with a desperate try with 2 minutes to go putting the Chooks in the lead. Add a last-minute failed hail Mary attempt from Latrell at a 2-point field goal and it was absolute edge of your seat stuff.

Paulo played with a vendetta, scoring a double in the second half to give the finger to his old team and gift his 1672 owners 101 glorious SC points.

Koloamatangi crashed over to open the scoring and worked himself to the bone top scoring with 104 points. Campbell Graham is looking extremely tasty and scored a delicious 91 points.

Brandon Smith came off the bench and made an impact straight away, opening the Bunnies up and scoring a try out of dummy half. I traded him out of my team this week, so it was inevitable he would find a new way to hurt me even out of my team, and so for those who enjoyed his 54 points – you’re welcome.

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Latrell on 66 points and Teddy on 60 points scored a try assist apiece, but for SC players it’s underwhelming seeing your big money not making nearly half the points of the guys who have gone completely under the radar all preseason. Questions must be asked and I will be considering a Teddy trade (I am so sorry Teddy it’s not you, it’s the fact that you have the look of points about you but they Just. Don’t. Eventuate…EVER).

Davvy Moale and Shaq Mitchell had limited minutes which was quite sad for owners, and only scored 25 and 29 points a-piece. And Sammy Walker was even more upsetting for owners only managing 24 points. Not to worry, he’ll lose a little bit of cash this week, but he’s done his plug-in job for those looking to move to on to Nicho.

Thompson scored with 2 minutes to spare, earning 57 points and breaking my heart after taking him out of my team last minute in favour of Katoa.

And as for the Butchers – Nat was the pick on 71 points and a glorious sledge which should have earnt him an extra 20 points for the sheer gloriousness of it, whereas Egan on 49 points won’t even hit his BE.

Minutes: Collins 57, Smith 56, Butchers 80, Murray 67, ShaqMitch 25, Moale 24

Injuries: Hame Sele (head knock), Joey Manu (eye/facial injury)

Judiciary: Fletcher Baker (high tackle – careless), Cody Walker (contrary conduct), Joey Manu (high tackle – careless), Michael Chee Kam (contrary conduct)

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Titans vs Storm

By Clem Cassidy

38 – 34

12 Tries.

30 Errors.

Five Hundred Degrees.

Regrets, humidity, and a whole lot of scoring. Welcome to a night on the Gold Coa thetwilight zone.

And what a strange match it was! Yet, somehow…exciting?

The Gold Coast came out in a mood to score points, not stop tries. The Storm came out in a mood to infuriate Bellyache, and my lip-reading spies tell me there were some very not nice words coming out of the coaches’ box at CBus on Saturday afternoon.

Foran got the flick at the 32^nd minute and sat fuming on the sideline until half way through the second half. Tanah Boyd finally scored some points because I didn’t play him, but 28 points of his 47 were kicking, and so if the GC are not in a scoring mood, he’s an underwhelming player to own and I shall be giving him the flick very soon.

David Fifita made me feel sad in my heart playing just 61 minutes and earning a paltry 49 points. But it was very, very hot and he is a very, very big man, so we can understand on this occasion. Perhaps the heat was also the reason Welch only played limited minutes. Just 33 minutes and scoring 25 points to upset his owners.

Nick Meany scored a double and was one of the top scorers of the round at 103 points making up for his less than stellar score in Round 2.

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And Harry. Beautiful, consistent, hard-working Harry. I am so sorry I didn’t start with you, and by God he was a sweet Captaincy choice with his 105 points and his try assists and his line break assists and all his lovely tackles. A shining light for the Storm in a terrible game.

Katoa enjoyed a line break, a whole bunch of tackles, and 64 points. He also enjoyed a whole bunch of errors. Look, you’re not Bellyache so you won’t be unhappy if you have him in your team – the man has made you a bunch of cash this week, how glorious for you.

For the cheapies, Pezet will give Storm fans a flutter in their hearts. Scoring a spectacular solo try, 2 try assists, a line break, and 2 line break assists, the rookie 5/8 enjoyed a stunning debut – earning his 562 SC owners 78 SC points too! Before you get all excited and bring him in though, remember Munster is coming back into the team.

AKP scored 65 points with about 2 minutes work – line break, try, try. The rest of the 78 minutes he made 4 tackles, missed one, and casually stood their laughing at the 82% of owners who benched him. Literally the man has NO base. But by god, when the Titans are in the mood to score some points, you must play him in your team.

And Will. 14-point William Warbrick. I am sorry I played you. That is all.

Minutes: J King 69, Katoa 80, Loiero 80, Welch 33, Grant 80, Fifita 61, Tino, 65

Judiciary: David Fifita (dangerous contact), Tino Fa’asuamaleaui (shoulder charge), Jahrome Hughes (dangerous contact), Justin Olam (high tackle – careless)

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Cowboys v Warriors 

By Nick Moon

Let’s go the Warriors! What a turnaround from the sleeping giants! They could disrupt a lot of teams in 2023 and I am here for it! Massive performance up in Townsville, and it’s now left the Cowboys 1-2 to start the year and some Supercoach heavies with some question marks. 

Robson was brilliant through the middle, racking up 85 points, shaping as the clear second-best hooker in the comp. Snuck in for a try, but his 47 tackles in 80 minutes is what should be exciting owners. As solid as they come. 

Unfortunately for myself and plenty of others, both Cotter and Holmes failed to fire. Holmes was kept in the centres, despite Drinkwater missing the next couple of weeks. Val for the 3^rd week running, just couldn’t find some open air, and battled his way to 57. Included in that was 9 tackle busts, but some attacking stats would put some serious lead in pencil 

Cotter managed only 42 in his 46 minutes on the field. Going to be a slow burn, but if this trend continues, he may become a very unnecessary trade in a FRF spot that looks as dire as ever.  

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Wayde Egan had plenty more admirers come this week as a popular buy proposition, and he did a job for plenty of new owners. Managed 68, but he did come off with a head knock and under the NRLS new stand down rules, may miss next week’s clash v the Bulldogs. It’s given me a HIA just trying to understand it, but he may not feature in TLT. 

Tohu got through his 80 minutes of work, but maybe the 31-degree weather played a part. Banged out a season low of 55. If that’s as low as it gets, I could entertain the thought. 

Minute Watch: Cotter 46, Nanai 80, Harris 80, Niukore 66, Egan 67,  Tevaga 42

Injuries: Mitch Barnett (neck), Wayde Egan (head knock) 

Judiciary: Jeremiah Nanai (dangerous contact), Marata Niukore (dangerous contact), Te Maire Martin (dangerous contact – tripping) 

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Broncos v Dragons 

By Nick Moon

22 points in 9 minutes… That’s what the Dragons dished up to the Broncos in the dying stages of Saturday night. I thought, yep, we have done enough to keep the media at bay, but proceeded to concede 22 points in diabolical scenes.

Reece Walsh tore the Dragons apart, and now those who went early on the Broncs young gun look like geniuses. The Chooks have the bye this week meaning bye bye Teddy? Like my 1-year-old daughter, all shiny new things are good, and the old ones are left to watch from a cupboard so maybe there is merit in out with the old, in with the new? Walsh finished with 95 and looks like he has a bit more to offer.

The Broncos are flying, Haas looks a new player and even Staggs showed a bit! Their next 4 weeks are mouth-watering, including a blockbuster v the Dolphins this Friday. I don’t think you can have enough Broncs players in your side.

As for the Dragons, well… Jack Bird is the only player I could entertain owning. Scored only 53 but last week’s 70 odd shows he could match it with the top backrowers in the comp. 43 tackles. Will need to make 83 to help the Dragons be successful this year.

Minute Watch:  Haas 59, Carrigan 57, Bird 80, BMM 41,

Injuries: Nil. 

Judiciary: Nil 

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Bulldogs v Tigers 

By Nick Moon

The entertainers are back! Well, for the most part, until they turned into the Dogs of old there for a 10-minute period; but ultimately, they look a serious football team! 

Our boy Jacob Kiraz was everywhere on Sunday, just not over the try line! Got through more work than the Spy busily writing excuses for his team, he just loves it, and Belmore brings out the best in him! He was a popular captaincy choice – mine included – and went within a whisker of scoring.  

Finished with 62 which was all base. Dogs’ run isn’t too bad, but they did favour the left when attacking. Still think he will be the most owned CTW come season ends so might as well get on him now. 

Alamoti was superb and his combination with JAC has shades of Justin Olam about it! Just knows where his outside man is at all times, they linked twice for tries and he looks a certain starter in your 17 week in week out. A very handy 78. 

Preston was awesome, and a near must have. Filthy I started the year without him, but he is my #1 trade target in the coming weeks, Problem is I have too many blokes parading as Supercoach guns and not enough trades to stop the bleeding .

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And the Supercoach bean counters took Mahoney’s TA off him for Burtons try… A certain hooker from Melbourne would have been awarded that and more…

I’ll leave the Tigers bagging up to their fans and Fox Sports, but my word they have some soul searching to do. Adam Doueihi getting moved to fullback, Nofoaluma getting dragged. Tim Sheens must enjoy getting hurt in life, it’s the only reason I can come up with as to why he took on the Tigers coaching job.  

Utoikamanu was solid again, finishing the afternoon with 48 points.  

With Melb, Brisbane, Parra, Manly and Penrith coming up, they should jump onto Flight Centre now and get their cheap flights to Bali for September.  

Minute Watch:  King 53, Preston 80, RFM 50, Stefano 45, Pole 52, Bateman 66, Twal 49

Injuries: Nil. 

On report: Brent Naden (dangerous tackle), Viliame Kikau (dangerous contact), David Klemmer (dangerous tackle). 

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Raiders v Sharks 

By Nick Moon

There was a fair bit of Soul searching going on for me as my 17 spuds completed their duties before this game even kicked off.  

So, it was nice to enjoy some footy sans the Supercoach app. Owners of Tapine would have hoped for a better output, scoring only 63. That’s his third score under 65 for the year as his front row partner Horsburgh had a day out, bagging a double and 90 odd supercoach points to boot!  

Danny Levi left the field with 4 less teeth than what he began with, forcing Starling into the game earlier. He played well and top scored for the afternoon with 95, setting up 2 tries. 

Sharks just couldn’t match the Raiders in the middle and were found out. Nikora looked strong on the edge though, as did Wilton who finished with 68 in 80 minutes.  

Please come back Nicho! 

Minute Watch:  Tapine 46, Young 80, CHN 80, Starling 78, McInnes 31, Nikora 80

Danny Levi (jaw), Nick Cotric (pre-game – hamstring), Braydon Trindall (ankle) 

Judiciary: Nil