Clem’s Captains: Round 2 NRL Supercoach skippers

Friends!

Hello! It is I. The one commonly referred to as the mathematician of our generation. Your official Playbook Support Group Coordinator. Your dealer of whisky, manifestation circles, and the occasional bottle of illegal rum.

It has been a LONG off-season, and oh, how I have missed you. It is good to be back!

Now I had my first poddy appearance of the season on Tuesday night, and that contentious subject of try assists came up, with Spy of course being a fountain of knowledge on try assists. And since then, it has been decided that Spy is going to go one better than his promise to live commentate every try assist live this Round, because Saturday is happening this Round.

And apart from Nicho scoring a ton in the rain against Manly’s Punching Bag – what is Saturday you ask?

Saturday, friends, is the great Spy’s birthday celebrations. And we will be out and about, and there will be many whiskeys drunk and in the words of the great Victor Radley – beers, beers, and more beers – and therefore he will be going above and beyond on his promise, and he will be LIVE REANNACTING Saturday’s try assists.

(I have been called into the team as decoy runner. However, if I dance across the bar and perform a backflip as I run the decoy on the way to the shots – I think that technically means I get the assist – I’ll get confirmation from Spy stats on that one).

So, without further ado, let’s kick off Round 2 Captains on our great quest to win a tracksuit and a great big bucket of KFC. And as always, go with your gut and if you feel like there’s a pod Captain who’s going to go massive – DO IT!

But for now, let’s start proceedings with a whole bunch of Captain Obviouses, and the first question of the 2025 season we ask ourselves is:

How big are my balls?

And never Captain on a Thursday night, unless your balls are so big you carry them around in a wheelbarrow.

But by all means, VC your heart out and get ready to loop, because tonight throws up the most tantalising of VC’s in the form of Kalyn Ponga.

Round 1 was only the tip of the attack iceberg of what our guy can throw up score-wise. An 82 vs the Tigers in a low scoring game, saw him casually rack up points including a couple of line breaks, a line break assist, a bunch of tackle busts – throw in a couple of bombed try assists, and Kalyn Ponga could’ve easily been pushing a ton.

Playing the Dolphins tonight, the team he boasts a 114 average against, if you have Ponga in your team, whack that VC on him and get your loops in order.

Tommy T

My poor heart. All it wants is for the Warriors to win at home on Friday night.

And even though I will be using all my very best crystals to manifest a Warriors win (and a Metcalf ton) for the next 24 hours, how can I disregard Tommy T, the man who tonned up with ease last Saturday night – a couple of casual try assists, a line break, FOUR line break assists – ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN POINTS.

Whether you VC him into the next man, or chuck the Captaincy on him, if you own Tommy T, you’d be a brave person to disregard him.

I can’t speak more on this. I am a Tommy T owner, but as official SC Playbook Support Group Coordinator, it is my very duty to head down to the Community Hall right now to arrange the Support Group for the non-Turbo owners for Monday morning. Whisky mandatory. BYO lament.

Nathan Cleary

Today’s mail? Lindsay Collins is out too. And Nathan Cleary owners are currently sitting atop their high horses pitying those who didn’t start with the great man, and who are now desperately trying to turn a Duffy into a Cleary or trading out Nicho vs Manly’s Punching Bag instead.

It’s stunning up here guys.

Because let’s just call a spade a spade. The Roosters are not it right now. And after the Broncos ran a train through them last Friday night, making it rain tries like some sort of feel-good episode of Oprah “where you get a try and you get a try and go on Paix, you get a try too!”, the Roosters vs the Panthers on Friday night looks like a TKO starring Nathan Cleary.

And that’s before we get into the statistical fact that a Panther is likely to beat a Rooster in a fight anyway.

Enjoy spending Friday night behind the couch non-Nathan owners.

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Your Rogue

And I don’t even know why this is a rogue, except everyone is trading him out, and I am confused. Very. Very. Confused.

Nicho Hynes is playing the Cowboys Saturday. The same Cowboys who became the first team of the season to masquerade as Manly’s punching bag. The same Cowboys he whacked a casual 142 against in Round 7 last year. The same Cowboys he boasts a 3-round average of 125 points against.

So, yes, we don’t know if he has the kicking, but what he does have is Nikora and Ramian ready to give Purdue his only touch of the ball in the game, ala Big Ola last weekend when he ran straight over him.

And as if that isn’t enough, it is forecast RAIN ON SATURDAY NIGHT IN TOWNSVILLE.

Wet locks. WET LOCKS. That is all.

Verdict

I hope someone Captains Tuipolotu when he scores a double ton of tries vs the Bunnies Saturday arvo and makes it rain with fake dollar bills 4 times over.

My money is on Nicho to come through with an absolute score vs last week’s punching bag – the Cowboys. And if I had had a better Round 1, that is absolutely where my armband would be going. Even without the kicking. Who needs kicking when you’ve got rain.

But I had a bludger so I must be sensible and follow the crowd, so I will instead VC Tommy T vs my Warriors (that sound you just heard is my heart breaking); manifest him to have an absolute bludger throughout the entire 80 minutes (crystals at the ready); before running with the crowd and Captaining Cleary. Unless I grow some balls and Captain Nicho. Because let’s be honest, sometimes its pure joy going on your own rogue Captaincy journey, away from the crowd.

And on that note, good luck for this round and I hope your weekend is as stunning as Spy’s live try assist demonstrations are going to be Saturday night when he’s 5000 beers and a couple of bottles of whiskey deep…

Clementine xx