Clem’s Captains: Round 13 NRL SuperCoach Skippers

Friends. I am in mourning.

As a Kiwi who lived in New Zealand’s greatest off-shore city, the Gold Coast, for 12 years – having both my teams lose in the space of 82 hours is too much for my little heart to bare.

Particularly as I had to watch the second loss deep in the enemy territory that is SC Spy’s upstairs man-cave.

The only comfort I have had all week is watching him panic eat multiple spicy chicken wings when Queensland finally scored one try and curl up in a little ball of spiced-inflicted mouth-burning agony on the couch – I swear these things were mild at best – the man has the spice-tolerance of a toddler. 

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“Fire and brimstone, the depths of hell in my stomach!” were his exact words I believe, as he rolled around the couch whimpering.

Then I felt bad for rejoicing in someone else feeling a little bit of agony besides me, so I made him a nice cup of tea – which may have added to his mouth agony – because even though I’m well known for my mathematical prowess and cunning rain-dance ability, making a cup of tea is apparently not a skill I’ve quite managed to master – I’m sorry that my cup of watery hot milk with a hint of tea flavour is not everybody’s… ummm… cup of tea.

But we are sidetracked because we are here for the Captains and our ultimate goal of a 43% Captaincy strike-rate this year – and so I will move on from my self-imposed mourning period, cast off the black robes I have been getting around in the last couple of days, and give my neighbours a break from Spotify’s Saddest Songs Ever Made playlist – which has been playing on repeat since Wednesday night. 

And it’s all onwards and upwards because it’s a new week, and our teams seem fairly safe from too many Origin restings and injuries and that is happy news except for the three of us watching the game on Wednesday because we all sold Payne Haas and look what he did! 

FYI – we’ve booked the Community Hall for the Lament Session with the other Payne Haas sellers and done a bulk whiskey order to wash away our tears – WILL I EVER BE OUT OF MOURNING??

And breathe…

And let’s move on to the Captains and turn to tonight’s game where we have a couple of big ton-up guys playing who are of course:

Fletcher Sharpe and Dylan “Three Tries” Lucas

And look, I’m not saying Lucas is going to come out and score a ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-SEVEN points again this week – but can we just get our hands out and bang them together for whoever the 0.8% of SuperCoachers were who Sir Captained the Hat-trick KING?

What a spectacle! Vs the current wooden spoon too – we are delighted!

Now obviously there were a few sneaky VCs getting around on fullback-fill-in, Fletcher Sharpe – he of the 131 points consisting of 18 tackle breaks, 4-line breaks, and a try – and congratulations to all who could loop that glorious performance.

And this week, vs the Dragons, there is a real case that you can VC Fletcher Sharpe again. A 3-round average of 85 – the big question though – which position does he play? Although the SuperCoach app reminds me the Knights are playing the team who let Ezra Mam score 128 points a couple of weeks ago… so… maybe it doesn’t matter?

I’m a little more wary of a Lucas VC – though 100-points in 30 minutes is a salivating statistic that screams give the man a go. We can look to his 3-round average of 94 (which does include a 46 vs Parra in Round 11), but let’s bring in an expert opinion, which is the SC Spy – live from his work desk where he is apparently still recovering from a spice-inflicted hangover, aka Wednesday night’s chicken wings:

“Yeah, it’s the Spy here. Coming to you live from chicken wing hell – “Fletcher – always an option, especially if Ponga doesn’t back up, Lucas – we know what he can do – both VC candidates…”

And do with that information what you will.

Now let’s turn to Saturday’s games and a few likely Captains:

Ryan “The Glorious Mullet” Papenhuyzen

“Titans/Storm a bit of rain around – Papi VC looking the goods for me” was the Spy’s verdict over a new voice note that screamed ‘my mouth is still on fire!’. 

So, let’s run with that and dive a little deeper with some statistics.

Which is that, despite a less than glorious performance of just 35 points vs the Sharks in Round 11 – Lil Papi did score a SC 2025 chart-topper of 182 points the week before, boasts a 3-round average of 99, is the current highest averaging fullback, and also has a delightful mullet. All important stats which lead me to believe that he can channel his inner Kaeo Weekes (who scored a ton vs Titans a couple of weeks ago) – and ton up too.

If you do VC him and it doesn’t pull off – throw a cheeky Captaincy on this next guy:

Terrell May

And back to Spy who is very keen on this option (he perked up considerably in this voice note):

“Terrell May, obviously fresh off the Origin snub – maybe they showed they didn’t need him, and he’ll need to show even more – 80 minutes maybe again, very VERY hard to go past as Captain if your VCs don’t fire.”

And the psychology of “Prove They Need Me” is basically all you need to make this decision, but if you would like some more convincing – we can remember he scored 123 points (90+ POINTS IN BASE STATS) back in Round 11, he has a 3-round average of 91, is playing the Cowboys who he scored 116 points against last time he played them, and has a rather lovely man bag. 

That is all.

Except maybe, you’re thirsty for a performance from this guy:

Scotty D

A 3-round average of 86 does not tell the whole story. 

Because we have that absolute nightmare of the 14 points in there (and my condolences to whoever Sir Captained him in that game) – so let us look to the three games before that where he pronounced himself as the Scotty D The Official Ton-Up King and scored a 132, 127, and 117. 

His last two games vs the Tigers saw him ton up too – so we have historical statistics to back this up, the Cowboys are playing at home, and I am very okay with a VC or even a Captaincy on Scotty D.

The One from Behind the Couch

Because word on the street is that Nathan has been practicing his goal kicking non-stop since Wednesday night and Penrith have their Origin players back, and after last week’s loss vs the Knights – it’s surely going to be Eel on the menu on Sunday afternoon.

So come Sunday arvo, I will resume my position behind the couch and rue the day I traded out Nathan Cleary.

Because he is absolutely a Sunday Captaincy option. A 3-round average of 87, a couple of tons in his last four games, playing a home game at Parra’s home ground in some sort of majestic power move – if your VCs have failed to fire – definitely consider a Captaincy on Cleary.

Spy, (who is currently sculling a 2-litre bottle of milk), agrees:

 “Parra vs Penrith – Penrith home game live from Parra’s home ground – LOVE THAT! Cleary plays and you still need a Captain come Sunday arvo – don’t hate it – he certainly won’t be missing goals – he won’t stop practicing between now and Sunday.” 

Now let’s move onto the final game of the round and here we will find MY Captain:

James Tedesco

But we’ll lead with Spy’s opinion on this:

“Tedesco! As Sammy Williams brother, I know Teddy loves torturing the Raiders and has for a long time – he’s in IMMENSE form – he’s got to be close to Origin – he won’t get picked obviously because we won’t change our side, but if Edwards was to go down, he’d want to remind everyone that he’s there and ready to rumble – I like it!”

And I like it too! 

A Sunday Captain is always quite nice and a 5-round average of 92 is nice too. A player who wants to remind Origin selectors he’s very much still here – makes it even nicer. And to support Spy’s claim around Teddy the Raiders Torturer – in both games vs them last year, he toned up – a 104 and a 151. 

So, we will forgive the 68 of last week (and the hours we spent debating Teddy v Nicho only to have them finish on the EXACT SAME SCORE), and look back to the two Teddy tons in Round 8 and 9 – and anticipate a delightful Teddy ton-up to finish our week strong.

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Verdict

Spy has the spice tolerance of a toddler, and I have discovered a chink in his armour that I will attempt to somehow use to beat him in SuperCoach this year. I’m in the lab running experiments right now

Apart from that, I’m big on a VC on Lil Papi or Scotty D into a grand-crescendo of a Captaincy on Tedesco this week.

But whoever you choose, I hope they ton up for you, and on that note:

Have a beautiful weekend!

Clementine xx