Clem’s Captains: Grand final NRL Supercoach Skippers

“Thus the Fellowship of the Friday Beers arose once more,

Bearing their banners into the long night of the last round. A final battle.

And Reece was named Captain, for glory, and for the hope of all plumbers across the land.

Against the Dark Lord Spy they rode,

Knowing he was bereft of Royce Hunt, his chief lieutenant.

And though the gap was fifty points,

Still, they believed the day might yet be won.”

My fellow Finals SC Players.

My friends.

We are finally here.

The last battle. The big dance.

And whether our goal is to clamber up the rankings or beat our greatest nemesis, that dastardly SC Spy; as our teams take to the field on Sunday eve, we must decide for one final time – who will bear the armbands of double points and triple points. Who will be our Chief Captain and his trusty sidekick, our VC?

One FINAL Captain and VC who could deliver us the glory of hearing those famous words on Sunday night:

“FINISH HIM!”

“Friday Beers wins! Flawless Victory!”

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…as Spy’s Captain lies on the ground and Reece stands over him and raises his toilet-shaped cup and takes a long sip that tastes of sweet, SWEET victory…and the words, “You are the supreme Mortal Kombat Warrior!” flashes up on the screen and the Dan Forden Victory Theme from Mortal Kombat 1 Arcade 1992 plays in the background…

…and…okay I have clearly put a lot of thought into this win. I cannot accept another defeat at the hands of Spy… I will never hear the end of it; it will haunt me all summer!

But without further ado, let’s go find our leaders, the players from the Storm or the Broncos who can deliver us this ultimate glory…

And both teams are HUNGRY. And when you have two HUNGRY teams going at it you just know the game is going to be an absolute FEAST, a buffet of determination. A literal FIGHT to dispel the demons they’ve gone through after losing the final dance to the Panthers one at a time over the last couple of years.

And I want the Broncos to win (it is an ingrained loyalty from living in NZ’s greatest offshore city, the Gold Coast, for thirteen years).

And a quick side-quest – Last Sunday I watched the Broncos defeat the Panthers with joyous glee at the Greenwood, right before Snoop Dogg took to the stage in the courtyard in some sort of surreal Sunday night Footy x Snoop fantasy evening.

Now let us start with the one who wears the armband for the Friday Beers:

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Reece Walsh

The man with the best eyebrows and lashes in NRL (pls sir, tell us your secret – where do you get them done??), is on a literal hot streak. Playing him over the back end of the SC season has been like sitting at the Roulette table and chucking it on 22 black, and it hitting every time at the odds of 1 in 4,808,584,372,417,846.

And even though he didn’t ton up last week – he still scored 89 – the second highest score for the week, against the Panthers.

And I’m not just giving him the armband out of pure loyalty and because he has wonderful eyelashes. The man came off 4 tons in a row in regular season and now boasts a Finals average of 109.

Sydney is awash with sunshine, there are points to be had, and Reece will surely be on the giving and receiving end of some of those points…

Lock it in Eddy.

Payne Haas

Safe so safe. Safe as Haases. The biggest safety net in the entire SC year. Arguably the hungriest player last Sunday too, demonstrated when he literally CHARGED at Cleary as though Nathan had just stood on his shoes.

A hungry 80-minute Haas cannot be ignored.

And he will be so hungry this Sunday to avenge the 2023 GF demons.

A Finals average of 93, 83 last week against the Panthers, ignore a VC or Captaincy on Payne Haas at your own doom.

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Lil’ Papy

The original Glorious Mullet hasn’t quite hit the heights of yesteryear with only three tons to his name this season.

He’s only played one game of this Finals series – and that came with a try but also a relatively lowly score of 56 in the victory vs the Sharks last week.

But the final game of the season where it’s all on the line, the GF, screams a Lil’ Papi game full of spark and x-factor which will leave all of us who didn’t even bring him in Captain Hindsighting over what on earth we were thinking…

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Cam Munster

Munster LOVES a big game. He just reaches another level. And as an unofficial QueeNZlander – I am so happy that he is in my team come Origin-time.

A Finals average of 85, a regular season average of 70, a 92 and a 76 in his last two games vs the Broncos – If the Storm are on and Munster plays the ultimate conductor role tomorrow night, he is one of the most viable VC options out there.

Your Pod – Ben Hunt

I am a true romantic. I love a redemption story. And surely one of the most poetic story arcs of this Grand Final will be for Ben Hunt to play a key role in a Broncos win exactly 10 years after that devastating dropped ball in the 2015 GF.

A VC option written by Shakespeare himself. The chance to avenge heartbreak and to “right some wrongs and get that premiership”.

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Verdict

It is Saturday morning, and in unheard of scenes, I actually know who I am Captaining a full 24 hours before kick-off.

And after running with Walsh for most of the last 10 weeks, I’m repaying his utter points-fest loyalty with utter reciprocal loyalty and sticking strong with him as my Captain.

And whether we rise or fail, it was an ecstatically fun ride on the Reece Rollercoaster over the past few weeks and I’m happy to see it out to the very end. My MVP.

But if you are looking for safe triple points – go the Payne Haas route. He’s got my VC at the mo, even though the utter poetic romantic in me keeps flicking it over to Ben Hunt.

And of course – we have thirty-four players to choose from (after Royce “not on my watch” Hunt came off the bench to score a double and deliver the knock-out blow in my Classic Battle vs the Spy, I am honestly not ruling out a Tui Kamikamica coming off the bench and scoring 100).

And plays on Warbrick or Shibasaki or even Karapani out there on the Broncos try-scoring fest of a left wing are all incredibly viable options. It’s your final chance to take a swing – and whether it’s a hit or a miss, you may as well take a punt and have fun doing it.

And as this season comes to an end, I want to thank you, my fellow frequenters of the Monday morning Community Hall sessions, for coming on these little Captaincy journeys with me. From Reece Walsh tons to 30 point fails, from mullets to manifestations, from celebration whiskeys to watching games behind the couch – it has been another gloriously fun rollercoaster ride and I’m so glad to have shared it with you.

And so, for one final time this season:

Whoever you VC and Captain this week,

I hope they absolutely ton up for you, and I hope you have the most beautiful weekend and the most stunningly beautiful summer… bring on beers in the sun and SC BBL!

Until next time:

Clementine xx