Clem’s NRL Supercoach Captains: Round 23

Which Olympic athlete would you bring into your team to save your season?

It’s something I’ve been considering the last few days, as I complete the night marathons in my living room. 1am attempts at the wolf turn, perfecting my high jump technique over a dining room chair.

The must-have this week is, of course, Noah Lyles. 

Fast, confident, those 1 percenters like getting his chest over the line first. If you don’t bring him in this week, well too bad too sad friend. Miss out on that double ton then. 

Straight. Captain. 

I’m trading out Hammer for him, because watching Hammer and the ball play hide and seek from each other for almost 80 minutes on Friday night…

Well, let’s just say I used my very last boost brining Hammer in and subsequently hammered another nail into my SuperCoach coffin.

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And my week started off with a bang, bringing in Val for his glorious 136 points.

But then it all kind of went downhill from there, culminating in the pièce de resistance – an 11-point Lil Papi. 

I did not have Danny Levi outscoring The Glorious Mullet on my bingo card. 

Shoutout to Jayden Brailey who attempted to carry my whole team on his shoulders Sunday, but too little too late and I’ve fallen to around the 12,000s. 

And the fact that Brailey was a shining light is all the red flags you need to know about my team.

 “Cheap Hookers and Bye Round Benders –My Season, Off the Rails” coming to Netflix soon.

But onwards and upwards! We’re not quitters! So we will continue to fight the great rankings fight until the bitter end!

And speaking of hookers, my team desperately needs a hooker.

So, I’m also brining in Carlos Yulo, the 150cm Filipino gymnast – compact, powerful, crafty – the second athlete from the Philippines to ever win an Olympic gold and the first to win double gold, taking out the Men’s Vault and Floor competitions. And did I mention he was gifted FREE MAC N’ CHEESE FOR LIFE!? 

The absolute level of livin’ and is it too late for me to become a professional gymnast – I mean, I can do a pretty sweet roly poly…

…it’s one of the required elements of the rain dance so you all know I’ve had lots of practice.

And finally, I am bringing in French pole vaulter, Anthony Ammirati.

Watch me soar up the rankings right past my dastardly SuperCoach nemesis, the SC Spy, with all that glorious BDE.

Especially coupled with our new signing of Snoop as Team Manager.

Now let’s move on to the Captains, and there’s all sorts of crafty things you can do with your Captains this week for your H2H finals, such as choosing the player who scores the most points and such tactical things like that…

But even though I’m quite the H2H connoisseur having beat my 9-year-old niece to make 2/20 of my H2H finals – I would urge you to please click here for H2H strategies and advice from Max Bryden instead.

And on that note, let’s move to the Captains who are of course:

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Nathan Cleary vs the Eels

Clutch

That is all.

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Munster vs the Bunnies

Munster’s start last week had me smiling with glee, patting myself on the back for bringing him in as clearly I backed the correct winner in the Storm Playmaker Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Except I forgot about Harry.

And as Munster faded, it became quite apparent that 119-point Harry had been studying the Janken cheat sheet for Alex the Kidd in Miracle World:

• 1^st – Rock, Scissors
• 2^nd Scissors, Paper
• 3^rd – Rock, Scissors
• 4^th – Paper, Paper
• 5^th – Rock, Rock
• 6^th – Rock, Scissors
• 7^th – Paper, Paper 

But I’ve passed this on to Munster and so vs the Bunnies on Thursday night, he can now confidently be Vice Captained. 

You’re welcome.

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Tommy T vs the Raiders

I am a glasshouse of emotion.

I have run my SC bank account into the ground, and I cannot afford the great Tommy T. 

I am devastated. What have I done?

That glorious soaring Sea Eagle is an absolute viable Captaincy option this week vs the Raiders.

A 3-round average of 113, an average of 115 over his last 3 games vs the Raiders (including a score of 92 last time he played them back in Round 9), THAT 174 vs the Titans back in Round 20…

It all points to one thing.

If you’re lucky enough to own him – Captain Tommy T.

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Val or Scotty D vs the Broncos

If you don’t own at least one of these two Cowboys vs the Broncos for Saturday’s game. Well. Might I suggest you please consider bringing one in for your own sanity?

Scoring 136 and 135 points respectively, Val and Scotty D were a tag-team of points that started owners Round 22’s off with a bang last week.

And the Broncos got ripped a new one by the Titans last week and they do not look very good at all, and so if you have Scotty D or Val in your team you must absolutely think about Captaining one of them.

Goal-kicking Val playing against that leaky side that was completely terrorised by Jojo and Kini and Fermor and Co. A 3-round average of 95 – Val is in some form!

Scotty D coming off the double double – two tries and two assists – following in the footsteps of a Keano Kini whose 124 points vs the Broncs last week also consisted of the double double.

They’re playing the BRONCOS friends.

That is all.

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Ponga vs the Tigers

A goal-kicking Ponga vs the Tigers who had 8 tries scored against them by the Cowboys last week.

It’s a Sunday arvo dream.

Don’t be frightened of the 56 from last round or the 3-round average of 59.

Instead take hope from the fact that the Tigers have conceded 86 points on average to the last four fullbacks.

If you’re bringing in Ponga, you may as well Captain him.

It could be the crowning jewel to a spectacular Sunday session…

Or an early start to the Smunday blues.

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The Rogue

And now I must also throw you up a last-minute rogue of a Jayden Campbell who is in a ton-up week, seeing as how his pattern goes 100s, 40s, 100s, 40s, 100s.

And we all saw how good I am at the maths patterns last week because Reece Walsh would have scored that 113 had it not been for the fact that he has never scored a 113 while Snoop is commentating the Olympics, so therefore it was statistically impossible for him to ever score a 113.

An unfortunate basic physics error on my behalf, and I promise I face-palmed myself when I realised I hadn’t taken such an obvious statistic into account.

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Verdict

The only thing I know is that I’m Vice-Captaining Cleary. Then I must try and least do some crafty accounting to bring in Tommy T.

Failing that, I’ll attempt to find one of those brown paper bags that apparently get around every now and again, and failing that, I’ll assume the position behind the couch on Saturday afternoon to watch that game, and Captain Val instead.

But Tommy T is the one I really want.

Now it is 11pm and I must go practice my switch frontside kickflip for a bit in in living room before watching Keegan Palmer defend his Olympic title…

Then fit in a small power nap before the Women’s Pole Vault Final.

Whatever you are doing this weekend, I hope it is as glorious as the double ton Tommy T is going to score on Saturday afternoon and I am absolutely gunning for you to win all your H2H matchups. 

Clementine xxx